Where's the Slack?

This is what my current frustration looks like. Enjoy.

Alright now I'm not a mean person. I don't go around and do mean things to people for my sick satisfaction. I do torture people who deserve it and can handle it though. But that's a whole other story. What I'm trying to say is why can't a honky get some breathing room huh? I've been working hard, busting my ass to kiss some ass so I can keep my job in this shitty economy we have right now, and all I want is a little slack. The reigns of life have been pulling so hard it's been hard to get a word in edgewise. My Lady lost her job for little to no reason and I just don't know exactly what to do right now. Things outside of work have been going really well, got me My Lady, some spare cash and a lust for time spent with her. It's supposed to be green. Everything should be going well but now something like this has to happen. If the Gods are listening I could use a large potato sack full of money if you have one lying around.

On the bright side I can say that I'm handling it very well as to date, though I can see things getting murky over the next few weeks. I hope everything keeps going the way it is with her but could we catch a break please? Just a simple job somewhere. That's all I'm asking.

I wish I could fast forward and see how all this cluster fuck of life is going to turn out. I'll be doing my damnedest to keep her around I can tell you that for sure. I'm trying this new thing of not posting anything about my significant other so be grateful for the details I allow you to know.

On a side note I should mention that the previous blog "She's the One for Me" was a celebrity tribute. I really do feel that way about Jenny but come on, I can't compete with Paul Bettany. He's totally bad ass. I should just be happy for her. Which I am. I don't know why I'm telling you this...

It's about time for the rambling to end. I know I needed to write something in here so I pulled myself together and sat down. It's not my best work but it's a chunk of what's swimming around in my head recently. So welcome to Martles the Great's deep cave of mental insanity!! It gets cold so remember to bring a sweater. I'll be sure to keep you posted if anything extravagant happens.

This is what it looks like when I'm tired of it all. We could use a breath of fresh air.

Your Friend and Internet Love Interest,
Martles the Great

She's the One for Me

Now I've been called out and I need to put forth my input because I can and I like to have a say in damn near everything. Now to preface what The Crippes King has mentioned in his blog I must say I've been in love with Jennifer Connelly for as long as I can remember. I saw labyrinth one day as a kid and have been effectively hooked ever since. That's why I watch movies like Hulk, Dark Water (The Ranger will remember the ridiculous agony we went through that fateful night), and The Day Keanu Reeves comes to tell us all we're filthy beings. I watch these movies not because I find them to be quality films but because the love of my life is in them. I do it because I care dammit. Not to mention it's another excuse to see her be beautiful and awesome.

Back to the point, I realized today that I've never seen Career Opportunities with Jenny and my favorite 80's star Frank Whaley. Has anyone else noticed where Matthew Perry got some of his mannerisms? Or maybe his persona of Chandler? It was Frank Whaley who inspired him. It has to be. To give Matthew Perry some credit he took what career Frank might have had post 80's and made it happen with Chandler in "Friends". I've managed to fall off point again. I tend to do that when I'm awkwardly rambling. My apologies.

So, as of now I have a mission. That mission is to see the film Career Opportunities. I cannot agree or disagree with the Crippes's statement until the facts are properly arranged in my head. I did however watch the trailer and I must say, Jenny riding that mechanical horse was enough for me to propose that The Crippes King could be right. All I was trying to tell him is that I saw Labyrinth first and so my opinion is based on that rather than some other films in her career. My opinion is that she has gotten hotter with age but that's just me. What can I say I'm a sucker for long brown hair and thick eyebrows. Fucking sue me. To Be continued...

I hope you're happy Mr. Seattle.

Bailout Bailout Bailout

Now I'm not usually the one who writes about this stuff because my knowledge is limited but the way things have been going I've been reading a lot more. I mainly leave this to the Crippes King because he reads and understands politics more than I. I woke up this morning and turned on my computer like I do and I check up on my internet life. I read the news from time to time if there is an interesting headline. I check for the major political things going on and I come across another damn bailout. GM motors looks like it's going bankrupt. Yet another company that cannot sustain itself due to the lack of flowing economy. So what's next? Is McDonald's going to take a plunge? Of course not. McDonald's and its rival subsidiaries will be just fine. We'll all go out and buy that greasy food because we all need to eat. Not to mention buying a 5 dollar burger is a hell of a lot easier than buying a 25K+ GM motor vehicle that may or may not stimulate the economy.

If we bailout GM as I hope we don't, who else will jump on the bandwagon? I'm in dire need of money, as are most Americans. Bail me out! My plan for bailing out Marty isn't even going to cost the country much. All I need is about 50K and I'll be fine for a while. Ok maybe 100K. But that's the point, when is it enough?

If we let GM crash into the ground we lose a lot of American jobs. It is not the American workers fault though that their company makes lackluster cars and demands too much for them. I agree with the King on this one, if we're going to bail you out, you better be making some better (meaning efficient) and more affordable cars. You deserve to fail GM. You've invested poorly over the years and those damn CEO's are again getting overpaid. I don't want these good hard working people to lose their jobs but it's about damn time these fat cats learn that they're not the only people who matter. There are a lot bigger things to worry about other than the contents of your damn wallet.

What do I know? I'm just the average broke American. I see your lots filled with cars you can't sell GM. If you want I'll take one off your hands. If I could drive places I would be more inclined to spend money I don't have. Stimulate the economy you know. That's what you big Whigs want anyway isn't it? I'm sick as I'm typing this so if it doesn't make sense it's because I'm all duped up on cold medicine and my head feels like it's going to explode. I'll write something more coherent later.

Coughing and Phlegm,
Martles the Sick

Needed Something to Tie You Over

In case anyone was needing something from me to tie them over this is it. I'm currently in Florida hanging out with the family and our newest edition Keira. She's my niece and she's the most wonderful baby I've come across. It's silly to say she's the cutest because every asshole with a baby thinks theirs is the cutest. She is nevertheless. Fuck everyone else's babies. She's the one for me and all other babies can kiss my white ass. 

Also I would like to officially apologize to The Ranger. Tim Glenn that's you. I know you're the King of Glenndora and if Nate gets to have nicknames for all his friends blogs I feel I can do the same. Back to the point. Tim Glenn I'm very sorry I couldn't make it to your reception. I wish you both the best and I'm glad that some are capable of finding the wonderful thing we all take for granted called happiness. I tell you and everyone who reads this that I'll be buying you a beer the next available chance I get. If you don't want a beer I'll make other arrangements. I'll  leave you with a shot of my mug because pictures in your blog inspire more readers. Not to mention it looks a lot better if you can write and incorporate pictures into your blogs. Farewell everyone I shall return home soon. Fear not.

This is my mom. She is rad.

This is my brother in law's kid. So he's like my step nephew. This kid is crazy.

Apparently I'm a big fan of people screaming in pictures I take with them. I mean come on look how much fun we're having. Try it before you judge me.

Peace, love, and unprotected fornicating,

Martles

I Love You Grandma Suzie

Today has been a weird day already. First off I woke up way too late and I'm still rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. The first thing I do when I get up is check the time, then I reach for my phone to see if I slept through any calls or texts. My mom sent me a text this morning that said my Great Grandmother has passed away last night. She was 96 and had lived an amazing life. She was a member of the American Red Cross and has been a member for at least 75+ years. As far as my records are concerned she was one of the longest running members of the Red Cross. 

I loved her. But I feel a better sense of passing than I did with my Grandfather. I was told some of her last words were "I'm ready to meet the Lord." Now I'm not a religious man at all really but I still have a respect for those who are. My Grandmother was a saint. She was a wonderful sweet woman who never wanted to hurt anyone. This is a woman who at 92 went outside in the Michigan winter to feed the birds. Upon leaving her home to head down to feed the birds she slipped on the icy steps breaking her ankle. She got up and fed the birds anyway. She was unaware to the extent of the damage but dammit she was going to feed some birds. When she finished she went inside and called for help knowing that something was wrong with her foot. This woman was built from stone I swear to god. I don't know where it is we go to when we die, I don't know if we go anywhere, but if there is a Heaven this woman deserves entry. I'm very sad to know that she's gone but it warms my heart that her faith was so strong in what she believed in. She's in a better place now. I love you Great Grandma Suzie.

Much love and peace,

Martin (as she knew me)

Vegas Baby!

So apparently it's true that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. I was pulled aside by a suited gentleman while in the airport and he informed me that I was never to speak of the things I did in the city of Las Vegas. For two hours I was viciously interrogated about the events preceding my exit of Nevada. I was later forced to sign a waiver saying that I could never speak about my trip to Vegas. I signed it because it was the only way they would allow me to board the plane. There's a chance I'll apprehended for telling you this. Much love friends all is well for now.

Vegas is cool,

Martles

My Stomach Hates Me

Now I know I eat too much fast food. I want to know why my body hates me so much for eating it. It's not like I'm eating the shit everyday but once and a while, like twice or thrice a week, I like to indulge myself with some good eats. Well, low quality eats but they're tasty anyway. I've been traveling relentlessly around murray eating at all the greasy fat forming hot spots that they have to offer. We're talking Wendy's, Arby's, McD's, BK's, little mexican place called Albertos, Del Taco, Taco Bell and some good old fashioned Subway. These places are all disgusting to most normal people and sometimes I wish they were gross to me because I don't want to eat it anymore. It's terrible for you. Whopper with cheese is grand indeed but a friend with weed is better. That's for those few Placebo fans there are. 

I'm deciding to call my eating research that way I don't feel bad about eating it all the time. Which I try not to do. I was awoken this morning (noon) to an abrupt and sharp annoying sensation in my side. I couldn't move. I was just lying in bed and I had this horrific pain that I couldn't pinpoint. As I was laying in bed today I think I just might has grasped what it means to have the PMS. Girls talk about being bloaty and having cramps and all that weird vagina stuff and I've been fortunate enough to hear way too much of it. I'll admit my curiosity got me into trouble but I didn't know I was going to open Pandora's box of muff. I don't wish that kind of pain to anyone. If you already know keep it to yourself. I know more than I want to about the vagina. Moving on.

Back to my tossing with gut wrenching pain. I tried remembering what pregnant women do when in labor, the breathing thing, that really only made it worse. I tried holding my breath like you do in extreme pain and that too only made things worse. I was prepared for the worst. I thought that my appendix was going to explode. Then I realized I don't have insurance, there's not way I can get this handled. Fuck. What do I do when my insides splatter all over my walls in my dark room. Is anyone home to help drive me somewhere? It was at that moment the pain subsided and it felt like nothing had even happened. I'm going to take into consideration that this was all Burger King's fault. I had a tasty burger and fries last night which may lead to the contribution of terrible pain. I want to tell you all it was just a huge fart but that frankly just isn't the case. I'm going to tell you that I'm done with fast food but we all now that's a god damned dirty lie.

This is all your fault Burger King.

PS. You're welcome for the free advertising. Maybe a free sandwich is in order...

Whoever has some pepto bismol, bring me some. I think wave two is right around the corner.

Save my insides,

Martles