My Stomach Hates Me

Now I know I eat too much fast food. I want to know why my body hates me so much for eating it. It's not like I'm eating the shit everyday but once and a while, like twice or thrice a week, I like to indulge myself with some good eats. Well, low quality eats but they're tasty anyway. I've been traveling relentlessly around murray eating at all the greasy fat forming hot spots that they have to offer. We're talking Wendy's, Arby's, McD's, BK's, little mexican place called Albertos, Del Taco, Taco Bell and some good old fashioned Subway. These places are all disgusting to most normal people and sometimes I wish they were gross to me because I don't want to eat it anymore. It's terrible for you. Whopper with cheese is grand indeed but a friend with weed is better. That's for those few Placebo fans there are. 

I'm deciding to call my eating research that way I don't feel bad about eating it all the time. Which I try not to do. I was awoken this morning (noon) to an abrupt and sharp annoying sensation in my side. I couldn't move. I was just lying in bed and I had this horrific pain that I couldn't pinpoint. As I was laying in bed today I think I just might has grasped what it means to have the PMS. Girls talk about being bloaty and having cramps and all that weird vagina stuff and I've been fortunate enough to hear way too much of it. I'll admit my curiosity got me into trouble but I didn't know I was going to open Pandora's box of muff. I don't wish that kind of pain to anyone. If you already know keep it to yourself. I know more than I want to about the vagina. Moving on.

Back to my tossing with gut wrenching pain. I tried remembering what pregnant women do when in labor, the breathing thing, that really only made it worse. I tried holding my breath like you do in extreme pain and that too only made things worse. I was prepared for the worst. I thought that my appendix was going to explode. Then I realized I don't have insurance, there's not way I can get this handled. Fuck. What do I do when my insides splatter all over my walls in my dark room. Is anyone home to help drive me somewhere? It was at that moment the pain subsided and it felt like nothing had even happened. I'm going to take into consideration that this was all Burger King's fault. I had a tasty burger and fries last night which may lead to the contribution of terrible pain. I want to tell you all it was just a huge fart but that frankly just isn't the case. I'm going to tell you that I'm done with fast food but we all now that's a god damned dirty lie.

This is all your fault Burger King.

PS. You're welcome for the free advertising. Maybe a free sandwich is in order...

Whoever has some pepto bismol, bring me some. I think wave two is right around the corner.

Save my insides,

Martles